A 2020 Love Letter To My Fellow Mamas

Dear Fellow Mamas,

A few days ago, the kids and I made our way through the bank drive-up window. After finishing our transaction, we started to drive away when my 5 year old excitedly asked, “Did they give us any suckers?!” No, they did not, I told him. “Ahh, why not? They NEVER have suckers anymore!” I know, bub. It must be because of the corona, I replied.

He then stated, “I wish they never would have opened the door to let the coronavirus out. Why did they have to do that. I bet it was a really heavy door, too. To hold in that virus that has done so many bad things now.”

Oh, I wish for that, too, bubba! I responded back to him, choked up.

I think we ALL wish that door had never opened.

But, it did. And this is where we’re at now.

I’m writing this letter to my fellow mothers because I need you to know that I see you, I hear you, I understand, I get it, I’m with you. We have all had to make some tough decisions this year when it comes to raising our children.

I am not going to lecture anyone about when, where, or how you cover (or do not cover) your faces, whether or not you’re going to vaccinate, or what decisions you’ve had to make regarding your family’s health this year.

I am going to tell you that whatever you’ve decided is okay.

Personally, we have had to forego dance class, and choir. Our spring 2020 homeschool co-ops were cut short and we were not able to have a birthday party for Finn. We had two museum memberships go to waste. I had to fight with the orthodontist staff because they did not want me to attend my daughters’ appointment. We cancelled vacations. We cancelled appointments. We cancelled field trips, concerts, dance recitals, and play dates.

I have felt the crushing weight of this abnormal life we’re all living right now. Our grocery store was recently out of toilet paper again and I almost had a mental breakdown! The feeling of seeing the empty shelves laid right on top of the cancellation of our rescheduled dance recital, which was already glued to the disappointing closures of some of our favorite fall and winter activities. You lay panic on top of a sandwich of disappointment, grief, and uncertainty, with a side of anger, and that is enough to send anyone over the edge. Especially us mamas, just trying to raise our kids and make all the memories.

I had to remind myself of all the blessings we have had this year. We made some fun boating memories. We went on an amazing vacation. We have had successful (corona-free) gatherings. We started karate class, and our homeschool co-ops fall semester was complete and extremely normal! We miss our library so much, but they are doing an excellent job with take-home kits and curbside service. We’ve almost mastered the art of at-home movie watching (though we miss the theater greatly). I have discovered groceries can be delivered!

You can count your blessings, but still grieve what we have had to give up, and that is okay. Only a fellow mama can understand the heartache you have for your children when cheerleading is cancelled, or grandma and grandpa can’t attend the choir concert, or basketball is just not being offered right now. Your kid will age out by the time they offer another zoo camp, and no one knows when we can go back to church camp. Birthday celebrations may be non-existent, or look a lot different.

No matter how your child-raising has changed this year, just know that you are not alone. We have ALL lost things, but we also need to recognize what we have gained.

Life looks different for all of us right now. It is more than okay to have our bad days and be sad over the little things, like no more suckers at the bank for our 5 year old and empty toilet paper shelves. But let us not forget that our kids get a little older every day. I know that every decision we make is because of and for our children. It is our job to keep improvising and keep trekking on, and keep making those memories. You got this, mama!